Giving up

It has taken me a long time to write this, but I believe that I finally understand enough and am finally able to write it.

Giving up

Every single day of our lives

We do something absotultly amazing

Possibly the most amazing thing we ever do

We get out of bed

A task that most of us don’t really think about

Except on those days where everything goes wrong

We all have them: bad days

Days we wish we could just lay in bed

Days we wish we didn’t have to do anything

Days where it’s physically hard to

Do even the easiest of tasks

Like getting out of bed

Today was one of those days

A day where I had to think long and hard

About why I should get out of bed

Why I deserved to get out of bed

What is our motivation for continuing

Why do we get out of bed every single day

And live our lives to the fullest we can

Even when all we want to do is give up

Every time life throws something at us

Every time we are faced with every imaginable obstacle

Every time we face heartache, death, trauma, and depression

All we want to do is give up

When nothing goes the way we want it to

When everything seems to fall apart

All we want to do is give up

And that’s exactly how I felt

All I wanted to do was give up

All I wanted to do was lay in bed until the last night

But I didn’t

Why didn’t I

Why couldn’t I give up

What was forcing me out of bed everyday

What was keeping me going

Because I had already given up

I had come into terms with my life

And what was going on

I had finally come to the realization

That it might not get any better

So there was only one more thing left to do

The thought crossed my mind

But every time it did another thought entered

A thought that for some reason always told me to get out of bed

And move forward

For whatever reason every fiber of my being

Was telling me to live on

To get out of bed

And to keep going

It’s gotten to the point where I can’t help but smile

Smile at every passing time

And at the same time you know there’s a problem

When you can’t even tell if your own smile is real or not

So what do you do then

How do you go on

I think I finally figured it out

After all these years

I haven’t given up, not yet

My body won’t let me give up, but at the same time it has

It has truly given up, but it’s that fact

That allows me to get out of bed in the morning

I’ve given up on the thoughts of others

I’ve given up trying to be perfect

Trying to achieve the perfect life

Trying to discover who I really am

When in reality I have always been myself

I’ve just had to learn to accept that

So I have given up

But not in that dramatic sense

Truth be told it’s not exactly giving up

But more letting go

Letting go of that broken hard

Letting go of those hurt feelings

Letting go of that horrible childhood

Letting go of the things that put me in bed

I don’t need a reason to get out of bed in the morning

Simply because I already have the best reason

I’ve let go of the things keeping me in bed

Keeping me still and unmoving

I still have bad days, like we all do

I still have days where letting go isn’t easy

Where giving up is the challenge

But there’s still some fight left in me

And I’m going to use until I can’t anymore

I’m going to give up on the things I can’t control

Let go of the things keeping me in bed

And I’m going to throw the covers off

Place my feet on the floor

Stand up as tall as possible

And take that one step forward

And I’m going to do it everyday

Because that’s what I deserve

To give up and let go of the things around me

And fight for myself

Fight for my future

The thing that hasn’t given up on me yet

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