Let go

Let go

I hold onto your hand

Holding so tight I can see the blood flow begin to stop

I hold on tight not wanting to let go

I hold on wanting just five more minutes

I look into your eyes and see a life

A life full of memories

Full of love

Full of times I will never forget

I see you behind the wheel of a car

Racing against time down the dark highway

I’m in the passenger seat and I look over to you

And see the tears in your eyes

And the resolve in your face

I look down and see you’re not wearing your seatbelt

I start to see you drift towards the edge of the road

Not slowing down at all

I see what your about to do so I reach over and grab the wheel

I try to turn the wheel to avoid the metal edge of the road

I scream out your name, but you don’t hear me

I plead with you to stop

My tears fill the car as I try to convince you to stop

You won’t slow down

Instead you look over at me

And say just six words in a whisper so only I can hear

“It’s okay, you can let go”

Now I see you behind the wheel of a different car

This one unmoving but on full throttle

I see you outside the car writing something on the windshield

I take a look and at first I don’t know what I’m looking at

But then I see the letters come together to form your sadness

They spell out your kindness, your inspiration, your resolve

I can tell where this is going so I run over to you

Just as you’re about to get into the car

As it begins to fill with a foggy mist

I grad onto your arm

I shout your name

I beg you not to do it

I beg you to reconsider

Your hand reaches for the door handle

While tears soak the ground

You don’t seem to hear me

But then you look up to me

And say the same six words

“It’s okay, you can let go”

Now I see you standing there in front of the mirror

Not knowing what to think about yourself

You slide the mirror over to open your closet

I see the halo of the devil resting gently on the ceiling

I see you pick up a chair and place in just under the halo

I see you stand on the chair to allow the halo to rest around you

I look into your eyes and see the joy and love within them

The same joy and love you have forgotten to see

I can’t stand by while you hand the joy and love in your love

And suffocate it of it’s purpose

So I run over to you

Just as you kick the chair out from under you

I hold onto your legs tightly

I refuse to let you fall

I shout for help

But I know none will come

I ask why this is happening

I ask why do you do this

When your eyes are so full of joy and love

And yet all you see is the sadness behind them

I look up to you

In more ways than one

As you look into my eyes

And say the same six words

“It’s okay, you can let go”

Now I see you standing on the edge of the cliff

With a bottle in your hand

And a sour taste in your mouth

You don’t know what’s going on

You don’t see what’s right in front of your eyes

You knew you shouldn’t have done it

You knew what you were giving up

And yet you continue

And forget to think about the rest of us

I see it tumbling down after you

You who don’t have a clue what’s about to happen

I shout your name

But you can’t hear me

So I run for the boulder

Hanging over your head

I grab hold of it with all my strength

And scream for it to choose another path down

The boulder continues to become heavier and heavier in my hands

I know I can’t hold on much longer

And as I look down below me

I still see you standing just underneath

I see you laugh and tell jokes

Just like you always did

I see you moving through life

Trying to figure everything out

Finally you look up at me

And all you do is smile

You probably don’t even know its me

But you call me brother anyway

And through your smile

You say the same six words

“It’s okay, you can let go”

Now I’m back squeezing the blood out of your hands

Looking into your eyes

Seeing everything I’ve ever wanted to see

Joy, love, happiness, inspiration, and life

I can see you begin to fade away

Ever so slowly

As I hold your hand even tighter

Wanting all of this to go away

I close my eyes and pray

Pray for just five more minutes

For another chance to say what I always wanted to say

To ask why it had to be you

I close my eyes tight and continue to pray

Just as I feel the warm touch of your other hand on top of mine

The warmth feels like home and I open my eyes

To see you staring right back at me

Even with all the pain

Even with all the grief

Even with everything that’s going on

And everything that’s about to happen

All you do is smile

And say the same six words

“it’s okay, you can let go”

Now I sit at an empty table

Sitting at the head as one by one

The chairs around me begin to fill

With all of you joining me for dinner

I look around at all of you

As you look back at me

I know this will probably be the last time

I see all your faces

All the questions I want to ask

All the bargains I wish I could make

All the choices I wish I could change

But none of you would want me to change a thing

I ask them why it had to be them

I ask them why it had to be now

I ask them why I couldn’t have been me

But none of you answer

You all just smile and look into my eyes

You all reach your hands out towards me

In comfort

And say just want I needed to hear

“Let go of the fear you have”

“Let go of the things you regret”

“Let go of all the bad things you hold onto”

“Let go of what we did”

“And hold onto what we had”

I find myself back in that car racing down the highway

Back in that car standing still filling with mist

Back in that room with you

Back on that Cliffside trying to hold onto the world

And back in the hospital room holding your hand

One by one

With each passing resolve

I close my eyes squeezing tighter

Holding on with all my strength

Then one by one

I think of the joy you’ve given me

The happiness you’ve brought me

The faith I needed

The trust I wanted

The family that I always dreamed of

The friends I never had

And with one final act of strength

I open my eyes one last time

And look into yours

And say

Just six words

“Thank you, I’ll never forget you”

And just like that I let go

And I let everything that happened

Before me play out

Knowing that even though I let go

I know I’ll always hold onto them

Through the memories they left behind

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