I stand there

Staring straight at you

As you scream to the world

As you scream out

To those that cannot hear you

I see something begin to form between us

Brick by brick

A wall begins to form around you

Guarding you

Protecting you

For the dangers all around you

The wall becomes complete

I find myself running full force into it

Banging my hands as hard as I can

Only to be knocked down by the force of the wall

Again, I stand and try and try again to knock the wall down

The wall becomes thicker and thicker

Completely surrounding you

Pushing me away

Pushing me back towards the edge

I scream out for you

Knowing you can’t hear me

I use my hands as wrecking balls

I use my feet as cranes

But nothing seems to work

The wall you’ve placed around yourself cannot be broken

It pushes me closer and closer to the edge

I look down and see nothing but bleak

And that’s when I fall

I fall to the ground crying my eyes out

I can’t get through to you

And you don’t want to get through to me

I’m an inch away from the edge

Thinking about falling

Thinking about dying

Thinking about how I got here

Thinking about why the wall is there to begin with

I wonder if it’s my fault

If I made you put the wall up

If I made you hide away

If I made you scared

I’m scared right now

Terrified about what’s about to happen

Scared that every passing memory of you is fading before me

As the bleakness begins to surround me

Just when the wall can’t push me any more

I grab ahold of it

And with all my strength

I hold on tight

And don’t let go

Slowly the wall begins to retreat a little

Placing me back on the floor

It stops but only for a moment

For holding on wasn’t good enough

But what else could I do

So I stand up

I look right into it

And I see myself

Like a mirror looking back at me

I see the blood on my hands

I see the bruises on my body

The scars on my face

I see the pain that I feel

I see the sorrow I’ve caused

And I see the joy I’ve made

And the hope I’ve brought

The wall continues to push me back

Back towards the edge

But I don’t care anymore

I let it push me

Because no matter how far it pushes me back

It doesn’t matter

It doesn’t matter because just like that I take out a marker

And I write out the letters that form the words I’ve always wanted to hear

“I forgive you”

The words cause the mirror to crack

But not enough to break

So with one more push

One more punch

I shatter the glass

The pieces scatter all around me

Breaking into thousands of pieces

I look down at each of them

Still seeing my reflection in each of them

Still seeing a part of in them

A part of me that had to be broken

And just like that the broken mirror created a hole

A hole through the wall straight to you

I took the path and came to the center

There I found another mirror

When I thought I would find you

I looked into the mirror

And for the first time

I truly saw myself

Myself as you saw me

I stepped into the mirror

And found myself looking back

At the hole I created

At the wall I forced

At the mirror I broke

No more pounding

No more kicking

No more pushing

No more bleak

No more mirror

No more wall

Because I’m tired of protecting myself from myself

I’m tired of looking into the mirror at myself

I’m ready to just be myself


This entry was posted in Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s