A choice
I find myself standing in a room
No doors
No windows
No way out
The only thing in the room is a small circular table
With a small box resting in the middle
When I open the box I find a gun inside
And a note with my name on it
I read the note
The first line reading
“You have a choice”
I open the gun to find only a single bullet inside
Now I hear footsteps coming from all edges of the room
Several people walk up to the table
Standing on all sides of it
I look at them all only to be looking in mirrors
For all I see is myself
“Each one represents yourself”
The notes reads on
“One represents the joy in hold in your heart”
“One represents the fear, the anger, pain, sorrow, sadness, hope, and more”
I look around at each me standing around the table
Not able to tell which one is which
“All are apart of you, all are with you, but you must choose”
“For one is a demon inside you causing your distress”
“You cannot leave until you make a choice”
“Which one will you shoot”
“Which one will you choice not to exist”
“All you have to do is make a choice”
I stood there with the gun in my hand
Staring in the eyes of all of me around myself
Watching them stare right back at me
Waiting for me to make a choice
The gun felt cold and hot in my hand
My hand shook as the gun felt heavier and heavier
I looked down and felt the blood the gun had spilt cover my hand
And drip onto the floor
The floor now covered in bullet shells
Too many to count
Each printed with a word in blood
In my own blood
As I looked down at the floor
I could see more and more bullets fill the space around me
Each coming out of me
Forcing itself out so I felt every inch
I was covered in blood as I continued to stare down at the gun
Staring at all the other mes around me riddled with bullet holes just like me
For each one of them is apart of
And then I realized I’ve seen this room before
I’ve been here before
I had only just forgotten
But here I stand once again
Ready to shoot myself
Ready to place another bullet in me
Ready to allow another one to pierce me
That’s why it didn’t matter which one I shot
Which one died
Because they had all died before
Many times
That’s how I thought it had to be done
To separate myself from myself
To take a bullet one by one
To ease the overall blow
But that’s not how this works
That’s not how I feel anymore
I’m tired of being shot
I’m tired of being covered in my own blood
I’m tired of allowing myself to be shot at
I’m tired of allowing myself to be shot out of the gun
This time things are going to be different
I’m going to get through it
And if I have to fire the gun in order to get out of this hell
Then so be it
I steady my hand
More steady then it’s ever been
I take great aim
And pour every once of hope and courage I have left
And I pull the trigger
The only light in the room
The light I thought was my remaining hope
Was shot out
Into a million different pieces
And there become nothing but darkness
But at least I was separated from myself anymore
I was myself again
I was whole
tothefutureanditsglory 