A choice

A choice

I find myself standing in a room

No doors

No windows

No way out

The only thing in the room is a small circular table

With a small box resting in the middle

When I open the box I find a gun inside

And a note with my name on it

I read the note

The first line reading

“You have a choice”

I open the gun to find only a single bullet inside

Now I hear footsteps coming from all edges of the room

Several people walk up to the table

Standing on all sides of it

I look at them all only to be looking in mirrors

For all I see is myself

“Each one represents yourself”

The notes reads on

“One represents the joy in hold in your heart”

“One represents the fear, the anger, pain, sorrow, sadness, hope, and more”

I look around at each me standing around the table

Not able to tell which one is which

“All are apart of you, all are with you, but you must choose”

“For one is a demon inside you causing your distress”

“You cannot leave until you make a choice”

“Which one will you shoot”

“Which one will you choice not to exist”

“All you have to do is make a choice”

I stood there with the gun in my hand

Staring in the eyes of all of me around myself

Watching them stare right back at me

Waiting for me to make a choice

The gun felt cold and hot in my hand

My hand shook as the gun felt heavier and heavier

I looked down and felt the blood the gun had spilt cover my hand

And drip onto the floor

The floor now covered in bullet shells

Too many to count

Each printed with a word in blood

In my own blood

As I looked down at the floor

I could see more and more bullets fill the space around me

Each coming out of me

Forcing itself out so I felt every inch

I was covered in blood as I continued to stare down at the gun

Staring at all the other mes around me riddled with bullet holes just like me

For each one of them is apart of

And then I realized I’ve seen this room before

I’ve been here before

I had only just forgotten

But here I stand once again

Ready to shoot myself

Ready to place another bullet in me

Ready to allow another one to pierce me

That’s why it didn’t matter which one I shot

Which one died

Because they had all died before

Many times

That’s how I thought it had to be done

To separate myself from myself

To take a bullet one by one

To ease the overall blow

But that’s not how this works

That’s not how I feel anymore

I’m tired of being shot

I’m tired of being covered in my own blood

I’m tired of allowing myself to be shot at

I’m tired of allowing myself to be shot out of the gun

This time things are going to be different

I’m going to get through it

And if I have to fire the gun in order to get out of this hell

Then so be it

I steady my hand

More steady then it’s ever been

I take great aim

And pour every once of hope and courage I have left

And I pull the trigger

The only light in the room

The light I thought was my remaining hope

Was shot out

Into a million different pieces

And there become nothing but darkness

But at least I was separated from myself anymore

I was myself again

I was whole

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